Baby Loss & Grief; The day my world changed

On 1st October 2024 my life was turned upside down.

The words “there are a lot of problems with your baby” at our 20 week scan cut me open.

In those moments, the life I was planning, the mother I was becoming, the dream I’d been living, was all gone.

Hopes and dreams of our little family, crushed.

The hours, days, weeks and early months that followed were simply survival.  

I put all my energy into healing physically and emotionally; learning about postpartum recovery, exploring holistic therapies to soothe my battered body and reading books on baby loss.

I soon learned there wasn’t a quick fix.

I struggled to recognise the person looking back in the mirror.

I felt betrayed by my body.

I felt betrayed by all I believed to be true.

And so alone in my pain and loss.

On 10th October 2024, baby Teddy was born.

My body aches for my baby, no longer inside me.

I am now learning to become a mother, without a living baby. 

Focusing on rebuilding my life.

Yes I am still standing, but I am not the same.

I’m figuring out who I am now and who I’m becoming.

Teddy has given me a mirror, to see my strength, my power and my bravery. 

While I have exceptional people supporting me, this is also the most alone I've ever felt. So I wanted to share my story in the hope that it may help someone else. I see you.

I’m here with you.